Apple Can’t Take a Joke

Are you f&cking kidding me?!?  I just read on Mashable about Ellen’s iPhone spoof commercial and how Apple asked her for an apology after she aired it on her show.  I’m sorry, what?!  WTF?!?  Sorry, this is supposed to be a blog about voice acting, but since I do use my voice for a living, free speech is kind of important to me.  (Plus, as you’re about to see, I like to go on rants and I need my right to free speech to keep doing that.)

As much as I don’t like it, I can at least understand how D.C. Douglas lost his VO gig for GEICO.  (Though, let me state again, that I really did not like it.)  I canNOT understand why Apple is asking for an apology of a comedianne who was spoofing herself more than their product!  Apple has certainly made its fair share of commercials mocking their competitor products.  In this case, Ellen was clearly making fun of herself, but apparently Apple was concerned her spoof made the iPhone product look difficult to use.  And so what if it did?  On two occasions, I have let someone else borrow my iPhone who ended up being too confused to use it.  It happens.  Not everyone finds the iPhone intuitive and user-friendly.  (It’s true, those two people were complete morons, I mean, who can’t use a freaking iPhone? It’s so easy! But back to my point.)

Seriously though, why did Ellen have to apologize?  Was the Apple Regime going to crush the Ellen Empire if she didn’t?  Why did Apple ask for an apology?  Do spoof commercials now constitute slander?  If so, Windows has got quite a beef with you, Apple, look out.  And what does an apology really mean if you only gave it because someone asked for it?  Do we even know what the words “I’m sorry” really mean anymore?  It means regret!  I bet the only thing Ellen regrets is that Apple had the bad taste to ask for an apology so she had to give it.

I’m seriously concerned by how politically correct our world is becoming.  “I’m not short, I’m vertically challenged.” I’m short!  Just call me short!  This false politeness couched in obscuring terms is dangerous.  And not that Ellen’s was, but so are false apologies.

Apple doesn’t have to like what Ellen says, but they do have to recognize her right to say it.

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